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Sunny. High 77F. Winds NNW at 5 to 10 mph..

Mostly clear. Low 48F. Winds NNE at 5 to 10 mph.

A car in town has a bumper sticker.

Well, that’s a bit of an understatement, isn’t it? Many cars in town have bumper stickers. This one, unlike the many that have the f-bomb in some form or are for places people go on vacation, has kind of an old-timey font that made me think it was probably nerdy. And if it was, indeed, nerdy, it might be wise. Perhaps it’s arcane knowledge from some great tome. Perhaps it’s a nugget from some great philosopher. The trouble was that the white-on-black bumper sticker was either moving too quickly away from me or I was moving too quickly by it for me to be able to read it.

I know this may sound ironic coming from a guy who writes columns and airs his opinions to the whole Tri-County area, but I’m always amazed at what we’re willing to say about ourselves in public forums. Yes, even our cars are public forums. People see these cars moving through public spaces. Sometimes, like nerdy stickers and license plates, they unite people in a common fandom or mindset. Other times, like the bumper sticker I saw in a church parking lot that read “Save America: shoot a liberal,” they alienate people by creating a sense of tribal hatred.

Bumper stickers, social media, T-shirts – we put who we are out there for everyone to see. Positive reactions can make our days. I love running into people who like my nerdy shirts and want to talk about the various fandoms I obsess over. When I go to cons, I expect these interactions to happen. When it happens at a doctor’s office or a grocery store, I feel connected to the larger world in an age where I often feel very disconnected.

That’s why this car’s bumper sticker caught my attention. Was it “Not all who wander are lost”? Was it “In the end, the darkness is just a passing thing”? With that kind of font, I assume it has to be a “Lord of the Rings” quote. I mean, what else would it be? I guess the font could be immaterial, like how every church in the late 1990s or early 2000s used Papyrus in their bulletins or on the side of their vans, and the font became so ubiquitous that James Cameron used it in his Cats-In-Space epic Avatar. No one really chose the font because of some deep-seeded need for a font-based message; they just liked it. What if I was trying to read a quote from “The Office,” but I assumed it was “Lord of the Rings” because of the font I saw in passing? Would I get close and see “That’s what she said” when I finally read the script upon a stranger’s car?

Quotes have a certain power. I don’t believe words are magical – I’m not a child – but I do believe in the power of a good quote at the right time. Ask my students. When they’re off to do something important, I deadpan, “Good luck. We’re all counting on you.” When someone gives me an ultimatum, I often respond, “Only a Sith deals in absolutes.” And I quote Shakespeare whenever the opportunity presents itself, which is surprisingly often when you’re an English teacher.

What was that quote on the car? I knew it wasn’t Trump 2024. I knew it wasn’t some invective against President Biden. I was pretty sure it wasn’t “Live. Laugh. Love.” It might have been something about cats or dogs. It could be something about wanting to go fishing or golfing. It might even be some Bigfoot Truther message. It vexed me. I had to know.

And then I noticed that the person lives on a street I take to go home every day! It shows you how observant I am that it took me ages to notice. Then, it took me even longer to slow down to a stop, squint so I could see, and read.

I probably should have seen it coming. My obsession with the bumper sticker was never going to lead to an earthshattering moment. I was never going to achieve transcendence and understand the infinite possibilities of the possibly infinitely infinite universe simply because of a bumper sticker.

But part of me thought I would.

“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!”

Andrew Bundy is a husband, father, teacher, writer, and nerd. You can reach him at bundycolumn@gmail.com.

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